Last night I was at a Halloween event held for the youth group at my church. There were costumes, giant bowls of candy, and lots of wonderful teenagers. We took a field trip to the gym where Mike exercised his gift of putting together really fun games at events for us. One game in particular was very special to me. Mike's daughter, Maya,asked me to play Glow-In-The-Dark-Tag with her. I was excited to have the opportunity to empower this beautiful young girls as she would bravely run around people twice as tall and probably twice as old as she was.
The object of the game was to avoid getting tagged by whoever was "it" while maneuvering your way around in the dark. We all had glow sticks and necklaces so we didn't bump into each other. This only made me slightly less anxious about injuries.
The lights went off and Maya held my hand. I wanted to have fun, but was afraid due to the unpredictable nature of the darkness. I didn't want to get hurt, nor did I want to hurt anyone else. "What if I hit a wall and get hurt?", "What if I run over someone and they get hurt?","What if I trip and fall over?" These thoughts ran through my head as I reluctantly ran about, but not once did I let go of Maya. She was too important to me for me to just let go. She was too important for me to even stand still. I wanted her to have fun because I loved her. So, as an effect, she led most of the time while I was being dragged behind her.
When I recognized that as an adult I was not leading, but a child was leading, I felt a twinge in my heart. "My life resembles this moment," I thought to myself. God has me in the dark. He's given me a couple hints to the future, but not much. I know I'm going to be in a wedding for my beautiful friend, Grace, next year and two months later I'll be going on a mission trip. Other than that there is hardly anything else that is concrete or immediate. I can't really see what's ahead. Life's a little unpredictable. I don't want to get hurt. I also don't want to hurt others. So I jog about cautiously. I am not alone though. It is Childlike Faith that holds my adult hand. She is courageous. She is bold! She is not afraid of the dark, rather, she enjoys the thrill of adventure. She is secure because she knows her Daddy is the one running the place. So she runs; So, she laughs; So, she has fun in the dark.
I wrote this not understanding why God emphasized this in our time together, but now I know. I used to hate the idea of childlike faith. It's not very smart. The mark of childlike faith is not testing, like I want to do before I trust, it is complete and total trust without regards to what is approved. So many times as a child I had the hope of a father's love being returned. As I got older my hopes were crushed. In the end this little girl was humiliated. She was embarrassed and was called "naive." Realizing this I told God, "I don't want to be that little girl! That little girl with childlike faith got hurt. Don't make me be her. I don't want her." Then, God said to me, "But I loved that little girl. When she was hurt, I was there and hurt with her. I put the hope and expectation in her heart. I was angry when she was humiliated. That little girl still live in you and I care for her deeply."
I have been so afraid, but Jesus said in Luke 18:16 "But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'" God showed me that He doesn't want me to be afraid of "the dark," the unpredictability of life. He actually wants me to have fun with Him! He wants me to be courageous and have my desire for adventure be quenched as I journey with Him. There's nothing wrong with wisdom, but she walks hand-in-hand with faith. I can rest secure that I won't be overcome with pain because I know who is really running the show - it isn't the darkness, it's my Father. He doesn't want me to live in dread, but in joy.
Thank you Father for having good planned for me! I love you and I believe you when you tell me you hold me safely. You are good, even in the dark.
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