Leading the Blind

Today I was in RA training and we had to do a team building exercise. One person was blindfolded and another was leading them. They both worked together toward a common goal. During this exercise I was the one who was blindfolded. This was very uncomfortable for obvious reasons. Even though I was in a place that I had been before, it was scary to feel like I was not in control. My good friend, Lily, guided me through other pairs and up stairs as well. I felt really dumb being scared and knowing people could see it on my face. This was especially true when I would wince because I thought I was about to get hit in the face due to the change in light that I detected through my eyelids.

The first ten minutes I walked hesitantly, imagining all the things that could happen to me where I could not react to protect myself. Then I thought to myself, "I don't want to live like this. I don't want to walk hesitantly and live in fear," and started walking with her pace. I really started trusting Lily when I would say "I'm scared I'm going to bump into something," and she would do more to direct me.

The best part was when she directed me from behind while holding my arms because it was when I felt the safest. Little by little Lily did not have to do those things anymore. At one point I was guided by just her hand and I wasn't scared! I wasn't scared because I knew she wasn't going to abandon me. Because she had proven herself to be someone who would not hurt me I trusted her to get me where I needed to go.

All this reminded me of the troubles I deal with financially. This year at HBU I'm still going to have to struggle through finances. The Lord reminded me that I've been here before. He got me through my freshman and sophomore year and will get me through this one. I feel like I'm being blindfolded every time. I don't know my steps until I get there and get scared that where the Lord leads me might not be the safest. Every time he proves himself faithful and trustworthy. Every time I tell Him, "I'm scared I will fail," he does things to help strengthen my faith. He pulls me in His arms and directs my steps.

This year, I feel like I can trust Him better. Just like walking hesitantly in the Men's Residents College, I don't want to hesitantly live life because I'm scared finances might not work out. I know God is not going to abandon me, leaving me without the ability to see like He can. I want to trust him to lead me where I need to go.

"The Lord makes firm the steps of those who delight in him; though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord upholds them with his hand." -Psalm 31:23-24