From Beast to Beloved

I just got done watching Beauty and the Beast. Let me give you the low-down. The Beast was in a disfigured body due to a curse that was a consequence of the evil that was in his heart. He felt shame from how his appearance and who he was as a whole. He really was horrifying. He had hair all over, was very big, very intimidating, very unwelcoming, very unloving and very unlovable. He doesn't even have a real name! Everyone just calls him "Beast."

All this changes when something beautiful comes into his life, Belle. He could not keep the behaviors, bad habits, and bad attitudes he was so used to dishing out because she wouldn't put up with it. Slowly, his demeanor changed as he spent more time with her. He learned to trust and let people in. He also learned not to be so controlling. I think the biggest thing he learned was the significance of love (that's what the whole story's about right?). He needed to love and be loved. Then at the end, his outsides finally matched his insides. He transformed into something that mirrored the beauty in his heart...a handsome cartoon character, lol.

When I was without the power of Christ in my life, I was just like The Beast. My reality was living in a world that led to death as a curse for the evil that was in my heart. I felt shame often for who I was and what I did because I didn't live up to my own standards. When I was without Him, I was horrifying. My heart did not know love or know how to love so I was unwelcoming, unloving and unlovable. My name was Ugly, Not Good Enough, and Poor.

Unexpectedly, Christ took hold of me with his love and beauty. The more I spent time with Him, the more I became beautiful. Christ wouldn't put up with my bad attitudes or bad habits, though he was very patient. I learned how to stop controlling and start trusting. I learned that I could let people in and be let in as well. I learned that I could love. I learned, most of all, that I was lovable. I don't get just one transformation (unlike the Beast where light comes out of his fingers and toes ;P), I am continually being transformed. As it happens I know my insides mirror my outsides and I can love others the way Christ has loved me. My name changed from Beast to Beloved because He gave me a new identity.

Who knew that Beauty and the Beast was about Christ? Lol

Blooming

I'm growing a sunflower. I've been watching the stalk grow for a couple of months wondering if it would bloom. I have two other plants that have been growing for 2 years that haven't bloomed, so I was wondering if this one would be the same. Yesterday, it started to bloom! The flower isn't even fully formed and I'm still just as excited as I would be if it had. I'm so excited about what it will look like and how it will smell.

It bloomed right when the Lord knew I needed it. My spiritual walk hasn't been very exciting lately. I haven't had that burning passion or excited for the Lord that I felt before. Not only that but things with the college ministry at my church are not going well and I don't have a small group that I belong to.

Looking at the growth of the plant reminded me of how I grow in my walk with Christ. I'm sure if my flower could talk it would've said yesterday, "But I don't feel like I'm growing. I'm not even fully formed. How can you be so excited about me?" I would've responded with, "Oh but you are growing! You can't see it, but slowly you are changing in the smallest ways that add up. Just because you are not fully formed doesn't mean you are not beautiful to me. I'm doing everything in my power to make sure you are going to be what I dreamed up for you to be because this is what I want for you." I know God would say the same thing in my case. He will do whatever it takes to make sure I grow to become the person He dreamed up for me to be; for me to bloom. He is going to til my soil, water me, put me in places where I can lots of sun and take care of me. He is my Gardener and I am His precious Flower. He eagerly watches me grow days, weeks, and years at a time until those parts of me make up that Woman of God that was in His mind before the foundations of the earth were laid. Gosh, what excitement God has for my growth; What plans He has for me.


I don't have to worry anymore about my growth. God is going to take care of me in ways I can't imagine. It's going to happen. I'm going to bloom because that is His plan for me.

Leading the Blind

Today I was in RA training and we had to do a team building exercise. One person was blindfolded and another was leading them. They both worked together toward a common goal. During this exercise I was the one who was blindfolded. This was very uncomfortable for obvious reasons. Even though I was in a place that I had been before, it was scary to feel like I was not in control. My good friend, Lily, guided me through other pairs and up stairs as well. I felt really dumb being scared and knowing people could see it on my face. This was especially true when I would wince because I thought I was about to get hit in the face due to the change in light that I detected through my eyelids.

The first ten minutes I walked hesitantly, imagining all the things that could happen to me where I could not react to protect myself. Then I thought to myself, "I don't want to live like this. I don't want to walk hesitantly and live in fear," and started walking with her pace. I really started trusting Lily when I would say "I'm scared I'm going to bump into something," and she would do more to direct me.

The best part was when she directed me from behind while holding my arms because it was when I felt the safest. Little by little Lily did not have to do those things anymore. At one point I was guided by just her hand and I wasn't scared! I wasn't scared because I knew she wasn't going to abandon me. Because she had proven herself to be someone who would not hurt me I trusted her to get me where I needed to go.

All this reminded me of the troubles I deal with financially. This year at HBU I'm still going to have to struggle through finances. The Lord reminded me that I've been here before. He got me through my freshman and sophomore year and will get me through this one. I feel like I'm being blindfolded every time. I don't know my steps until I get there and get scared that where the Lord leads me might not be the safest. Every time he proves himself faithful and trustworthy. Every time I tell Him, "I'm scared I will fail," he does things to help strengthen my faith. He pulls me in His arms and directs my steps.

This year, I feel like I can trust Him better. Just like walking hesitantly in the Men's Residents College, I don't want to hesitantly live life because I'm scared finances might not work out. I know God is not going to abandon me, leaving me without the ability to see like He can. I want to trust him to lead me where I need to go.

"The Lord makes firm the steps of those who delight in him; though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord upholds them with his hand." -Psalm 31:23-24

God's Masterpiece

I was talking with my friend about a project he had to do for an art class. He said he had to think up something to put on paper and then pass it around for others to work on it as well. Jacob said that by the end, "It wasn't even completely mine." I was thinking about how awful it would be to pour your heart and soul into something for so long just to have someone who can't even see the vision or purpose of it to come and put their prideful two cents in. How awful it would be for me to see the end of it and grievously say to myself, "This isn't completely mine."

Let me tell you how I think God views us: God's Word says that when he created Adam and Eve they were perfect. We are God's most prized pieces of art created to point to Him in our every quality. We are his handiwork. God sat there and dreamed up exactly who He wants us to be. Then, he made it a reality. This I feel is exactly what we do when we create something. We dream it up and then use whatever we can to make it a reality. We are his most prized masterpieces and He gets to have a relationship with us! I remember making a collage last semester and thinking about how great it would be if I could ask it how it's day was going. We get to talk to him about the world He created for us!

To connect with Jacob's story, I thought about how the World comes into our lives and passes us around to put a twist on what God originally created. Things like our beliefs, security and identity find authors ignorant of the purposes we were designed for. I thought about what God must feel when our beauty becomes twisted to mirror the world and turn into something He never intended for us to be. How he grievously must say, "This isn't completely mine."

I also thought about how when a creator has a certain idea in mind for the creation, there is a certain perseverance that pushes the creator to stop at nothing to make it into exactly what they have in mind. It's all the lines that get erased, all the melodies that get rewritten, all the photos that get retaken. When the creator has a specific idea, settling for anything less than what was dreamed up isn't even an option. Who wants to settle for less when you know it could become something much greater!?

I believe this is how God feels toward us. We are daily being molded into what God dreamed up for us to be. Lisa taught me that when Paul says in Philippians 3:12, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me," he is pressing on to take hold of exactly what made Christ pursue him: God's dream of what Paul would be. God reminded me that He won't ever give up on me. That he won't stop until I become the woman He dreamed up for me to be.

God won't settle, but sometimes I do. I thank Him for the grace to see when I do settle so I can let him do His great work in me.

Thanks for dancing with me, Dad.

May I Have This Dance?

So the story behind the blog starts with an Alto Frio camp this past year.

I was in my Youth Pastor's group and that day we were playing the Knot game. I stuck my hand out and a handsome 17 yr old grabbed it. I said to myself, "Alright Angel, he's only 17. You better watch out because you don't want to get yourself into something that isn't very wise." We all got messed up in coordinating our hands and had to drop them to start over. Well, I dropped that guy's hand and stuck it out to start the new game. To my surprise, he quickly grabbed it again. For the rest of the game I tried not to read into it (because we girls love to do that). (p.s. Nothing happened with me and that guy after the game just in case you were on the edge of your seat.)

During worship that night I cried. I realized that, for a while, I had been strong. I hadn't really thought about a boyfriend since the summer started. I realized that I wanted someone to hold my hand the way that guy did. I wanted someone to eagerly pursue me (someone = not that 17 yr old fellow). I forgot that I was a girl. I wasn't crying because I didn't have a boyfriend. I was crying because I know that God puts a desire for a companion in everyone, and I was feeling that desire especially so that night.

So, I prayed. Then the worship band started to sing a song that said ,"You are all I need," and I realized that God really WAS all I needed. As I prayed I realized that every opportunity I get to worship God is an invitation to spend time with himself. It was like God was telling me that every time I open my Bible, sing a song about Him, or listen to a sermon He was reaching out HIS hand for mine. He was sending an invitation to me, hoping I would accept and grab His hand right back so we could dance and intimate dance together.

-"May I have this dance?"
-Yes, you may.

I hope this post will cause you to say "yes" to the Lord of the Universe who wants to spend quality time with you. Thanks for reading.