Last Sunday I had nursery duty. I normally work with the toddlers, but that day there was a baby who was about 6 months old. Her daddy is Hispanic and her mom has gorgeous eyes. So she was passed down some very beautiful traits. She was wearing a cute pink dress that allowed her to crawl around in. She's the focus of entry today.
She was sitting near a wooden puzzle. Her aim obviously wasn't to try to put the puzzle pieces together, like mine was, but to create a sort of chaos with them. She would grab the pieces, shake them in her little fist, and then throw them on the ground in front of her. Like I said before, my aim was to try to put the puzzle together, but it was hard when she would grab the pieces out of my hand while I put them where they belonged in the puzzle. So, I gave up and just watched her. I gave her pieces to shake and throw. Sometimes she would try to drop them on top of pieces already on the ground to make a "clack" sound. I soon realized that she would grab any and every piece that I gave to her. She wanted anything that was in my hand. She knew what was in my hand was good and reached for it every time.
In that moment I felt like the Lord tapped on my shoulder and said, "Remember when you questioned my motives in giving you good gifts this summer?" Oh man, I did. I had forgotten about how I felt abandoned by God because I couldn't see plans from him that were good for my summer. I had prayed through it since that point and felt resolved, but God wanted to bring it up. So I remembered Matthew 7:9-11 that says "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" The version in Luke says "scorpion" instead of "snake." I imagined handing the little girl a scorpion because it was small and could fit in my hand. I imagined her grabbing it, the scorpion stinging her, her face turning sour, dropping the scorpion, then looking at me with a sense of betrayal and tears in her eyes.
Oh it was too much to imagine this beautiful little girl crying and looking at me as the source of her pain and lack of trust. Then I realized that's exactly how I viewed God when I didn't make the REC team for the summer and was without plans. Because I didn't see the good I wanted to see in His hand I thought he was going to give me a scorpion. Not only that, I thought I was going to have to pretend to be ok with the scorpion. Because of the fact that it hurt to think of giving this little girl (that I hardly knew) something that would harm her, I knew that God would never give me bad gifts. He is so much more familiar with me than I am with that little girl, so I thought "How much more would it pain him to see me receive bad gifts if it was even possible for Him to do so?"
This Friday my mom texted me to let me know I received a letter of commitment from a summer camp that wants to hire me as their staff. Considering the perspective that God has shown me about giving gifts, I'm in awe of what He's given me and remorseful of how I viewed Him and his good and holy nature before. He really came through for me and the thing is that He planned this for me all along.
