Yesterday I was trying to do some New Testament Theology homework. The assignment was to read the whole book of Acts. This isn't a big deal if you split up all 28 chapters, but to read it in one sitting is a bit time consuming. I was tired and had already done a mountain of homework. To prevent from falling asleep I wanted to listen to an audio of the book online while I read it. I thought it was genius.
A problem came when I tried to connect to the school's wi-fi. The symbol at the bottom of my screen kept telling me that the internet was connected, but the site kept telling that "this page cannot be displayed." So I sat for 10 minutes trying to disconnect and reconnect in hopes that maybe one of those times would work (reminds me of the definition of insanity).
Some time after this I got really mad. Among other things I wanted to do, I first and foremost wanted to pick up my laptop above my head and then thrust it downward to the floor, watching it shatter into pieces. The wi-fi here is kind of glitchy sometimes, so this happens a lot. I said to myself, "Why isn't this working? I should have what I want. God, why is this happening? You control everything, including technology. Why are you putting me through this frustration? Isn't this a good idea? Isn't this good?"
Because I really prayed, I really got an answer. I thought about the frustration I was having and the alternative. The alternative would be to just read all 28 chapters by myself to get it done. It would be boring and I would have to fight to stay awake, but I would get it done. Thinking more I realized that listening to someone would take longer than reading it myself too. I don't know why God didn't allow me to get online at the time, but this is what was better. When the wi-fi came back on I went straight to biblegateway.com/audio to get down to business. Sadly, I came to the conclusion that I was right. The reader, being very talented, spoke in an english accent, talked slower than I wanted him to and placed dramatic emphasis where necessary. I listened to half of chapter 2 and turned it off to read it by myself.
Then it hit me. I have the same attitude about dating. I'm frustrated at the stage I'm in. There is a guy that is interested in me, but isn't making any defining pursuits. I know, essentially, that it's not about waiting on him, but about waiting on God to deliver. I get so upset because I want things to move faster than they are. I tell God, "Why can't I have what I want? It makes sense that I have this! Why are you putting me through this frustration? Isn't this good? Wouldn't this edifying relationship with this amazing, Godly guy be good?" I realized that God sometimes doesn't withhold just the bad from us to protect us. He even withholds the "good." Not to be a tyrant, but so He can give us what is better.
I thought I knew what was best for myself yesterday in relation to homework, but God knew I could handle reading it by myself and that it would be faster for me. It wasn't that listening to the audio version was bad, but there was something better. I was encouraged yesterday when I realized that God knew I could handle the situation I was in with Mr. Right. That He knows what's better for me right now and won't give me anything less. "Better" for me might mean refinement through the situation or learning how to be friends despite feelings.
Luke 11:11-13 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
