I
received a call from American Hospice to go sit with a patient who was actively
dying. The call caught me off guard, but thinking about the opportunity
for ministry made me really excited. Anticipating the unknown brought me
to a place where I had to find boldness and reliance on the Lord. I
tried to remember my training with American Hospice and recalled information
about being a comforting presence that allowed for some peace.
On
the drive to the home where Mrs. Francis lived I contemplated what I
would be met with. I wanted to be thoroughly prepared for whatever met
me during the time with her. I imagined intense spiritual warfare where I
rebuked demons and spectacular experiences with the Lord as He called
his daughter Home. I was ready to be met with whatever extreme situation
would occur. As I thought on these things the Lord asked me a question,
"What do you want your life to look like?" It was a simple question and
I answered honestly according to the desires of my heart, "Well, Lord, I
want my life to be full of happiness, companionship, adventure and, of
course, full of your glory."
I found Mrs. Francis' room and
was welcomed by her Social Worker. When I walked in I found
Francis with a rag on her forehead and a breathing machine helping her
in her last moments to hang on. Her Social Worker debriefed me on her time Mrs.
Francis, how long she had been there, when she anticipates her passing,
and what she was doing to minister to Francis' physical body. I could
see the love in her face as she talked about the journey with Francis as
her Social Worker. I could also tell she had a passion for what she was
doing. There was not a hint of obligation behind her words.
She
exited the room to leave me to my 3 hour shift. I mentioned before that
I wanted to be thoroughly prepared for whatever situation was going to
meet me during my time with Francis, but I was not prepared for this. As
I took in the atmosphere of the room I realized I was probably not
going to witness the heavens open up to receive Mrs. Francis' into the
Wedding Banquet that was prepared for her. I looked at Francis and she
was peaceful; I looked around the room and saw no family to comfort; I
prayed and felt no demons to rebuke in Jesus' name. In fact, there was
absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about the situation I was in!
In
that moment I realized my self-centeredness. I was so consumed with how
I would respond, how I could be prepared, and how I could go to battle
spiritually on her behalf. The whole time I was thinking about myself!
This is in direct contrast to training for American Hospice as a whole
and even in my journey with the Lord. American Hospice teaches people
how to be a selfless servant, focusing on the needs of the patient
without regard to our own desires.
I walked out with truth by
asking the Holy Spirit for direction for the rest of my time. He told me
to sing songs to her, pray for her, and read scripture over her. I was
amazed at the songs and scriptures He brought to mind. All of them had
to with our assurance of being taken into Glory when we die. They all
proclaimed God's faithfulness in the afterlife! I could not have chosen a
better playlist myself if I tried. God let me know that He was not
going to abandon Francis as she transitioned into her next stage of
life. I hoped that God was letting Francis know this as well.
I
looked at her often as I held her hand that did not respond to my grasp.
I got scared that she would die and I would be left with a lifeless
handshake. I didn't want to be there as she died. I didn't want to be
surprised at her empty physical vessel. Debbie texted me at this moment
to help me process this fear. I searched my heart for my genuine
attitude towards death. I realized that death has always been used in
movies and T.V. shows to shock and terrorize people. As a Christian, I
look forward to meeting my Beloved Jesus Christ in Heaven when I die,
but have never considered the physical death as something that was
beautiful or peaceful. Oh yes, death is terrifying for those who Jesus does not know, but I knew the Lord knew Frances well as she knew Him. I said to myself, "Jesus never taught me to be
afraid of death. He never taught me to be scared of situations like
this. Do I really believe what the Bible teaches about death not
stinging because of His faithfulness?"
As I contemplated
this I looked at the picture of Jesus on her wall. Then, I got up to
pour cold water on her washcloth to place on her forehead to keep her
fever down. When I sat back down I realized that Jesus really was here.
Even before it was her time, He was here taking care of Francis through
me and the other volunteers that sat with her. Her face was full of
peace and it affirmed this truth. Though she could not blink, talk, or
respond to a hand that held hers Jesus really loved her still.
The
Lord brought to mind the question he asked me on the way to Francis,
"What do you want your life to look like?" Before I left, multiple
nurses came in to tend to Francis by taking her temperature, changing
her, and turning her. Each nurse could not hold back their gratitude for
Francis. They all told stories about how they felt loved and cared for
by her. She never did anything extravagant, all she did was communicate
genuine care for the nurses. This is what it meant to bring God glory
for Francis. Her life was not full of adventures in the nursing home,
but certainly her life was a vessel of love to the nurses that tended to
her. The Lord pointed to her as His answer for me, "This is what I want
your life to look like: Love me and love others."
I am in awe
of Francis and her life story. I know the Lord loved her deeply. I hope
my life can measure up to a small percentage of the impact she made on
others. I also hope to continually be molded into a servant so that
others can feel the love of Christ that meets me every morning. I truly
saw the journey Mrs. Francis was taking with the Lord with my spiritual
eyes. Though it was not filled with a heavenly vortex opening up to
receive her, it was just as meaningful and it was just as eventful. I
learned that death does not have to be a shocking experience. Rather it can be extraordinarily ordinary, "fully of peace and joy with Christ."
"Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home."
-An excerpt from Amazing Grace
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