Spins, Hugs, and Mirrors

I was at the Residence Life desk today with sleep deprivation from finals and hoped that no one asked me to do anything that involved thinking. Fortunately I was a witness to a couple of delightful moments between a little girl and two grown men. The little girl’s name is Katelyn and she is the daughter of the Director for Student Life. Normally Katelyn is 3 yrs old, very shy, has a wonderful laugh and is cautious about who she gives her attention to. In the past I have seen her run from me and others who have wanted to play with her. Two people in particular today were persistent, David and Mac. Today she wasn’t so scared and their persistence paid off. David and Mac would smile, call her name and open wide their arms while they crouched down to her level. She would then run into their arms, hold on tight, and squeal in delight. I saw the delight in both Katelyn’s face and the faces of those who had the privilege of spinning her around.

I thought about how good her dad was at that point. Every time I see them together I see a genuine love between a father and his daughter. He seems to love to surprise her with his presence and she seems to get really excited at the idea of seeing Daddy in places on campus that aren’t in their apartment.  I realized that the only reason she could run up to those two people was because the love David and Mac showed was familiar to her. Their love for her mirrored the love that she experienced from her father, so she welcomed the hugs and spins. 

I was reminded of God’s love for me while watching them. The only reason I can recognize the love that others have for me is because it mirrors God’s. The other day my Christianity teacher asked me about Christmas plans after taking a final. I told him about some of the struggles I have and he gave me some encouragement. He said, “Well, I’m sorry about your struggles. I think you’re terrific. I’m not just saying that in the moment, but I thought that all along.” The encouragement was uplifting. I was reminded that sometimes God gives you love through others and I heard God’s words from his mouth. I was able to recognize God’s love mirrored in my teacher, just like Katelyn was able to recognize her dad’s love mirrored in David and Mac. 

The best part was not hearing from God, but the fact that the love expressed to me was free. Thanks Dr. Blair.

Remembering God

Today a resident had something that could be similar to a seizure. I’m not sure what it is and I don’t think her or her family knows either. Being in college has helped her find some triggers for her episodes though. Things like lack of iron, too much adrenaline and lack of sleep sets off her unresponsive seizure-like symptoms.

I was talking to one of my friends about faith, reason, and Kierkegaard (what a conversation!) when I noticed her eyelids fluttering. I could not shake or rub her out of it, so I decided to call the Resident Director. This is not something new for the resident or for the Resident Assistant’s, I knew the RD would help me with the best actions to take.

She started by calling out her name. Not yelling at her, but with firmness; a calling of her name that was meant to illicit a response. She was breathing, so we didn’t think it dire enough yet to call the paramedics. She then tried to get a response by physical means – rubbing and moving her. Her last attempt was to try to push on a pressure point behind her ear. When the RD did this her body relaxed, she let out a sigh and began “waking up” out of her episode.  The RD had to ask her questions to make sure her brain was fully functioning. She asked questions like, “Who am I?”, “What’s my name”, “Do you know who you are?”  At first these questions were too hard for her. Her retrieval from long-term memory was blocked. Slowly she was able to answer these questions, but it was a process. We had to wait as she progressively remembered her surroundings. This time, it was lack of sleep. She had only been getting a couple hours of sleep a night the past couple of days. After gaining her bearings, she picked up her stuff and went to bed. 

I wrote about this because I was reminded of some wounds that haven’t fully healed yesterday. I’ve been unsure of God today and where I fit in his plan because of them. As I watched the resident on the couch in the lobby, I saw myself in her place as the one who was unable to recognize important people. I saw myself in the midst of warfare and God as the one who had to hit some pressure points in order to wake me up. I know that whenever you’re unsure of God or his ability to work you’re supposed to remember. This means retelling the story of how you first came to Christ or other times God has worked miracles and strengthened your faith.  It reminded me the importance of remembering. Remembering who God is, who I am, who the people around me are is a crucial step in recovering from a traumatic experience physically, but also spiritually. I imagined God asking, "Who am I?" not because he had forgotten, but because I had forgotten. "Who are you?" the answer to this is not "victim" or "out of control" but "Princess, Daughter of the Most High who has a purpose."

The picture of my RD hovering over the resident like a knight waiting to take back from a thief what belonged to her will stay with me for a long time. It gave me comfort in imagining God hovering over me amidst the confusion with sword in his hand and a quest to take back his bride, what it rightfully His.