He is The Remedy

Today I learned a lesson in forgiveness. 

At dinner there was a friend who, I felt, didn’t show me value or love through the way they talked to me. Their words weren’t filled with concern for my day or even awkward acquaintance small talk, but with abrasive joking. I’m pretty sure I was made fun of a couple of times in front of my friends. I felt like I had just taken on an animal in a wrestling match for dignity. I walked away from dinner with a bruised and burning heart. I said to myself, “I won’t talk to them again. Maybe they don’t know how to communicate or maybe that’s the only way they know how to relate, but in any event we don’t have to be friends.”

I sat in my comfortable chair after that trying to get over the emotions that come with boundaries being crossed. I tried to find a story or two in an E-book to make myself feel better; one about winning others to Christ by love, another about forgiveness (hindsight: these were definitely hints from the Lord). As I came back from walking to the library I found that my phone was ringing. I had already missed 2 calls from the same person. It was a resident who was really upset and frantically trying to reach her RA. She proceeded to tell me about her roommate and how she doesn’t treat her with dignity (can anyone see where this is going?). Her roommate continually does things to communicate unworthiness and has a consistent lack of love towards her. She doesn’t treat her well with word or action. At first she sounded angry as she was raising her voice in the phone. As the conversation went on, I heard her voice quiver and I could tell that she was crying. She was angry, yes, but she was angry because she was hurt. As I sat listening to her, my heart broke and I grieved with her. All I wanted to do was listen and attend to her wounds. I wanted to hear about all the places that hurt and dress them. Secondly, I wanted to tell her to forgive because if she didn’t, I knew the wounds would hurt worse. 

While she was talking I realized that God gave me a glimpse of his perspective of wounds. He hears me; He urgently tends to my wounds, all of them; He wraps them; He tells me how to take care of them so they don’t get worse. He loves me truly and his heart breaks when mine does because he loves me. He cares for me just as much, and even more than the care I have for my residents. Situations take on a new light when seen through the eyes of God. I forgot that God is personal. He sees me in every moment. I’m ashamed to say that I forgot he was my Doctor, ready and willing to remedy my ailments. I've already forgiven my friend and have made plans to have a conversation about communicating - humbly.